Don’t even need to close my eyes for this one. It’s always there, just waiting for someone to open the door.
“Stay in the kitchen with Grandma and Auntie.”
But I don’t want to stay in the kitchen.
There’s yelling in the living room. Daddy is yelling at Mommy and I don’t remember his voice so loud before and I can’t stay in the kitchen!
Mommy’s face was so scared. I need to see her.
Grandma is holding the baby and Auntie is trying to make me get on her lap. But I don’t want to sit on Auntie’s lap … I want to go see Mommy and make sure she’s okay.
I pull away from Auntie and stand in the doorway. I take two steps into the living room, even though Daddy is really loud now and I don’t want to make him mad at me.
I stand there and watch Daddy’s hands go around Mommy’s neck.
Mommy squeaks out, “J!” and twists her head in my direction so Daddy will look at me.
I understand that she doesn’t want him to hurt her in front of me. Has Daddy done this before?
I’m standing very still.
Daddy takes his hands away from her neck. He starts to say something to me.
Mommy runs to the front door and opens it and tries to run out. Yes. Run, Mommy!
But Daddy is right behind her closing the door. He’s going to close it on her head! Daddy, don’t!
Mommy is yelling “Help!” out the door.
I’m standing very still. I am frozen in time.
Daddy slams the door and now I’m back in the kitchen.
Auntie must have picked me up.
I’m crying and I want to see Mommy. I want to see Mommy.
Del lives across the street. He has a boat in his driveway. I see him walking around on his boat all the time even though it’s in his driveway, and that’s funny.
Del is in the living room. He’s talking to Daddy in a loud voice now. A different kind of loud. A good loud. I’m standing in the living room again and I know that Daddy can’t hurt Mommy while Del is here.
Del is leaving and I don’t want him to leave. He says the word “police.”
I am in the kitchen again. I feel the fear and the tears so deep inside me and so thick in the house.
When I get away from Auntie again I see big men in dark blue clothes and hats. They are leading Daddy out the door. I know they are the police.