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Lisa's Toe Speaks

I’m not a cute little piggy, anymore.

I’ve cheerfully borne Lisa’s weight since she took her first toddling steps. As she grew up, she learned to jump, skip, and run. During her teen years, she went through a dancing phase. Thank God she wasn’t ever good enough to take her ballet lessons to the Dark Side: “toe shoes.” (Shudder.) I didn’t mind those jazz shoes … they looked kind of cool, and didn’t pinch me too much.

As an adult, I’ve spent time standing, walking, pivoting, and running. I didn’t mind the years she spent doing yoga – that was more about balance than fast motion. I’m good at balance. You tell me to grip the ground and I will do it for days.

I’ve minced in high heels and shuffled in slippers. I stride in black boots and run in athletic shoes. I get to come out in warm weather. I got my first pedicure just a couple of years ago!

She has stubbed me more times than I can count. A few years ago she even broke one of my smaller colleagues during a run on the beach, when her little boy plowed into her. Man, that hurt like a [expletive deleted]. But my colleague did not require special treatment to repair himself.

When she decided to take up tae kwon do last year, I was leery. Especially when I saw the way she threw herself into it, like she was 20, instead of … MUCH OLDER.

“Take it easy,” I cautioned her. “Okay, you can kick really high. Good for you. But there’s no need to fling me into the air so recklessly.”

She didn’t listen. She was drunk on endorphins. Several months ago, she wrenched one of the smaller Lefty colleagues. “See?” I warned. He turned a furious purple, but wasn’t badly injured.

“Who are you trying to impress?” I asked. “Your tae kwon do instructor is always pleased with you … he won’t mind if you dial it down a notch. You have to be careful of that squishy floor mat.”

Last night she was the only one at class. Lots of people on vacation. Her tae kwon do instructor had her punching the bag, then kicking it. YES. We love kicking the bag, as long as she does it right. It’s very satisfying. Then he taught her the next series of moves she needed to memorize for her belt test.

She was getting tired.

“Okay, good job, slow down a little,” I advised. “Wait … I’m caught on the mat … OW! Oh, &*$#!!!! I’m not supposed to roll under like that! Oh, ^%*+&!!!! Did you hear that popping sound?”

Even the instructor heard it. “Do you want to ice that?” he asked, worried.

She said no, and finished the class.

What a dumbass.

By the time she got home, I was twice the size of Big Lefty and turning colors. Her husband got her the ice pack and some arnica gel. Did you guys know how awesome arnica gel is? It helps with swelling like MAGIC.

She felt bad enough; I didn’t have the heart to berate her. She was already thinking she might have to give up tae kwon do. Heck, maybe she should. I would prefer to go back to yoga, or non-impact swimming.

I hurt so much that even the sheet lying on top of me last night kinda hurt. This morning her husband took her to the doctor, where she eventually got an x-ray.

Yep, I’m broken. There’s a little crack in my bone, and she’s going to be wearing a rigid blue shoe-thingie for the next four weeks while I heal. Attractive.


Sorry I didn't have time to freshen my paint job.

And sorry if you weren't in the mood to meet a FOOT today.

This is just how we roll.


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Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:02 am (UTC)
You poor baby. My little piggy toes (on both sides) know exactly how your big piggy toe feels.

It's a stunning debut, by the way.

Feel better.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:04 am (UTC)
Big Righty is still pretty mad at me.

We just take our piggies for granted, don't we?

Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:04 am (UTC)
Very nice to meet you, Lisa's toe, and I must say this would be like one of best blog entries OF ALL TIME except for the fact that it doesn't have a happy ending. :(

Why'd you have to get caught up in that mat anyway? Didn't you remember the #1 rule - don't leave the other toes NO MATTER WHAT!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:07 am (UTC)
I know!

"Never leave a toe behind!"

Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:04 am (UTC)
Owie. Owie. Owie. My toes are now curling in an effort to protect themselves and to remind me that I should stick with running, preferably on a treadmill, with them encased in $100 worth of nylon and foam.

Well. At least Lady Toe is looking stylist with her pink dressage. It will look so nice with the blue shoe-thingie.

Must go buy some of that arnica gel stuff, that sounds amazing.

FEEL BETTER! (Maybe a message from the universe to stay home and work on revisions? LOL)
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:08 am (UTC)
Or a message from the universe saying, "You're not 20!!!"
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:14 am (UTC)
oh no! OW OW OW! *hugs* (well gentle virtual toe hug) Get better soon!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:39 am (UTC)
Big Righty says thank you.

(Deleted comment)
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:42 am (UTC)
Thank you, Melodye.

The Pig and I are relaxing now.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:37 am (UTC)
Broken toes HURT! I've broken three on one foot, two on the other.
All because I do things too fast.
(like running to my kids' rooms in the middle of the night, water skiing, jumping over jetties.)

In 4-6 weeks, you'll be good as new. Those buggers break fast, but heal fast, too.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 02:45 am (UTC)
Thanks, Nancy.

Jul. 23rd, 2008 03:01 am (UTC)
The big toe! April's ring toe that was broken last year sends sympathy.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:18 am (UTC)
Thank you, April-Toe!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 03:07 am (UTC)
I'm soooo disappointed. I was expecting to click the lj cut and *BAM* *HOLY HELL* *PURPLERAINPURPLERAIN*
That certainly does not look as badly as it hurt. I have to practically squint to see that bruise. ;)

Nice to meet you toe, I hope you feel much better soon. Do I see a pair of steel toed boots in Lisa's future? I hope you get to keep your nail. However it is painted an appropriate color, is it not?
Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:18 am (UTC)
I know!

I'm telling you: that arnica gel is AMAZING.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 03:29 am (UTC)
Why does it seem like everyone in Portland but me is taking tae kwon do? Or should we call it one kwunch toe?

Dear Toe: feel better soon.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:19 am (UTC)
Thank you for the toe-sympathy.
(no subject) - dampscribbler - Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:37 am (UTC) - Expand
Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:19 am (UTC)
That's the same toe I broke many years ago (playing volleyball) -- mine looked worse (if you can imagine), and I didn't have that lovely pink polish, either :)

Heal quickly, toe!!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:20 am (UTC)
I really believe the generous application of arnica gel helped keep the swelling down.

Big Righty thanks you!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 04:45 am (UTC)
Arnica IS awesome! I pulled a muscle coughing when I had the flu last year and man, arnica took care of that in like, a SECOND.

But, I'm sorry about your toe. My toes are safe, since I am so disinclined to athletics, but...um, I really need to learn to move my toes and everything else one of these days...
Jul. 23rd, 2008 01:29 pm (UTC)
Yes, I think my toe would have looked much worse without the quick work of arnica!

Jul. 23rd, 2008 05:01 am (UTC)
Ugh, ouch, yow!

My right piggy understands your pain. Hope you're back to the kicking soon.
Jul. 23rd, 2008 01:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Lorraine.

I dunno about the kicking, though ...
Jul. 23rd, 2008 09:40 am (UTC)
Aww, poor Toe! And poor Lisa!

I hope you both feel better soon!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 01:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Deva!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 11:19 am (UTC)
Poor little piggy! That sounds painful!
Jul. 23rd, 2008 01:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Kim.

It feels better today. My attractive shoe and I will journey to work.

(Deleted comment)
Jul. 23rd, 2008 01:31 pm (UTC)

Feeling better today.

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